FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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