but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
