I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
