My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
