MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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