I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
