sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
