fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
