I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
