I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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