She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
