Im at strip club and am horny
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
