You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
