you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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