I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
