I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We have started to decorate penises.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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