I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
