tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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