what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
