now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no you cant smoke seaweed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
