haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
