I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
