The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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