dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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