She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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