My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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