The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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