Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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