There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
