im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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