true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
