Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
