I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
