so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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