Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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