Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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