don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
