Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
