My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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