Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
