Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
