I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
