he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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