ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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