My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
