this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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