there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
