Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
