This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
