I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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